This is hard.

I am beyond grateful that they are home.  I am crazy happy that my little family is all on one continent, in one house and mostly all in my lap at once (well not Adam, but the rest of them).  I am thrilled at the bonding that is taking place everyday in our home between all of us.

We are blessed...but this is hard.

For the first few days that Elysee and Etta were home, when friends and family dropped off food, we let them come inside briefly to say hello.  Both of the girls started to get really upset when this happened after a few days so we stopped doing it.  I have not left our house in 11 days except to take the girls to the doctor.  I am a people person.  I do not like to stay home so 11 days in our house is a LONG time to me! I knew that when we brought them home we would all stay home for weeks if  not months but this was not nearly as hard in my head as it has been in reality!  Thank you for letting me vent!

I had told Eva for days that she and I could go to Church on Sunday.  Eva and I were all dressed and ready to go to church and I sat down on the couch and told Elysee in Lingala that I was going away but I would come back in a little bit.  She immediately began to cry.  I could not leave her crying so I looked at Eva and told her we could not go to church today. 

I will be honest, I was really sad.  I started to cry even though I was trying really hard not to.  I looked at Eva and told her how sorry I was, fully expecting her to breakdown because of this unfulfilled promise but I was astonished at what she did next.  She looked at Elysee and told her we were staying home IN LINGALA and wiped away her tears.  She then went over to the closet and took her shoes off and came over to Elysee and started playing in the floor.

I could not have been more proud of Eva.  While I was being selfish and sad about what I was not going to be able to do, she immediately did the thing I should have done. 

I have asked God everyday for a long time to help me to see things the way he sees them.  I ask him to give me a compassionate heart.  Lately I have added that he would give me the ability to see things they way that Elysee and Etta do. 

Later in the day I was mowing (because I needed to get out of the house and exercise but I couldn't leave my yard!!! lol!) and God reminded me of my prayer to see things through their eyes.  I started to think about the three times I visited the girls in Africa and the three times I told them in Lingala that I was leaving but I would come back.  I started to think about what she heard this morning and that it was the exact thing I had told her every time I had to leave her and I started to think about how scared she must have been that I was leaving for months instead of an hour. 

I easily forget that even though they are doing really, really well, they are still scared and all of this is new.  I forget when they are smiling and playing and everything is going well, that they do not know that this is their home and we are their family because they have never had one before.

Please don't misunderstand me, we are all doing better than I even anticipated.  But this is still hard.  They both get really sad and really happy over and over and this is really hard to watch.  Please pray that God would heal their hearts and give them peace.  Pray for Eva and Eli and the sadness they are showing because their life has changed drastically.  Pray for strength and wisdom for Adam and I and that we would love them like crazy through it all! 

God is going to make something beautiful out of all of this brokenness.  His Word says "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."  Romans 8:28  This assures me that he will use every part of our past and every part of our present for our good. 

He is working all of this for our good and his glory, of this I AM SURE!

Thank you for your continued prayers!